This weekend my daughter was a terror. On the one hand, that’s to be expected.  She’s 7.  On the other hand, every parent wants a perfect stress-free kid.  (And if you ever figure out how to get one, let me know!)  The problem is, in the moment it’s so hard to remember she’s 7, or that what she really needs is to learn the subtle difference in adult conversations verse kid conversations.  It’s frankly much easier to yell, get angry, or put her in timeout. I wish I ...

Does having an empathetic boss improve the quality of your work?  According to research, the answer would be “yes.” We often think of empathy as “feeling your pain.”  (Thanks Bill Clinton!)  But it’s actually more than that.  True empathy is the ability to recognize and relate to other people’s emotional states.  Both the good and bad emotional states. So how does this relate to our work? Well, all of us experience aches and pains in our daily lives.  Maybe we have a chronic illness.  Maybe we’re just sick.  Or maybe ...

Impossible goals are a bad idea.  Why?  Because no one likes the idea of tackling a project which will certainly fail.  That's why very difficult goals have a way of reducing  performance. Not only that, but believing goals are impossible can lead people to take unethical actions.  Students are more likely to cheat on tests where they think they don’t have a chance, and believe no amount of studying would help.  Business people are more likely to use fraud or investment schemes if they think there’s no ...

We’ve discussed the power of past choices on Meaning to Work before.  (As an example I showed a study by Ariely, Lowenstein, and Prelac that found people arbitrarily anchor new decisions based on previous decisions.  Meaning that something as simple as buying a bottle of wine could be influenced by something as random as your social security number.) This has obvious ...

We like to think we can be the Lone Ranger.  Or the hero, who despite all odds, pulls out a victory in the last minute.  We want to throw the game winning pass, despite a terrible team around us.  In short, we love the idea of being the one genius amongst the village idiots. Of course life doesn’t work this way. Research has consistently shown that we’re only as strong as our weakest link.  (How’s that for a cliché that’s true?!) It seems that there are a couple of problems ...

Life can be overwhelming.  Just ask, well, anyone.  With so many competing commitments how can you ever feel like you’re getting anywhere?  If you’re like me, you can’t.  On any given day I have 3-4 major writing projects that require dedicated time and focus.  I also have research that needs to be read.  Notes that need to be organized and archived.  A house that needs (seemingly constant) repairs.  Volunteering.  Family obligations to my wife and children.  Plus all the side projects I would like to start “some ...

Did you know that vanilla pudding you are eating might not actually be vanilla?  It might be banana or mango flavored.  Yet because it’s white, we have an expectation of eating vanilla.  The same can be said of yellow pudding.  It may taste like nothing at all, but we assume that because it’s yellow it must be “banana.”  Apparently color goes a long way towards determining the flavor we taste. Ah the powers of the human brain. People tend to be very good at sorting ...

Sometimes the way to solve a problem isn’t what you’d expect.  In today’s culture, we’re often told that the solution to conflict is to focus on what the other person wants – and then to do that.  It’s all about listening to someone’s feelings (which, we’re told, are just as valid as yours.) If you can just empathize enough, if you can put yourself in their shoes, then you can fix the problem. And while there’s certainly a place for that type of thinking and action, conflict is ...

It’s a well known fact that you can tell someone’s guilt or innocence by watching their body language.  Unfortunately, that well known fact is actually untrue.  Research has wildly disagreed with our ability to read other’s body language.  (For a technical description of the problems read Elfenbein and Eisenkraft’s 2010 article.) Yet the idea that we can easily decode someone’s body language is a myth that permeates our society.  Show’s like Lie to Me are built around the concept that if you watch someone closely enough, you ...

Do you consider yourself a thoughtful person?  Someone who really thinks deeply on the issues?  Well it turns out you might not be quite as thoughtful as you think you are. In an interesting study, Barden and Petty (2008) discovered that simply believing you are thoughtful leads to more certainty and longer-lasting opinions.  That’s right, why think deeply on an issue when you can just believe you did. It turns out that we’re more likely to remember information if it falls into one of three categories: It has personal ...